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Layla El
Layla El is a British/Moroccan/Kryptonian professional wrestler. She has a nice booty that may or may not turn women gay and is the current WWE Women's Champion. She also likes pie. Origins Layla El was born to Jamal El, the half brother of Jor El. Sometime before the Kryptonian Apocalypse, Jamal El learned that Krypton was dying and that his half brother was going to send his son off the planet in a rocket. Having always taken his brother's ideas and passing them off as his own, Jamal El built a similar rocket and shipped his daughter, Layla, off of Krypton about a month before the planet exploded. It is unclear where Layla landed. Some say Morocco. Some say the United Kingdom. But, no one really knows for sure. What is known is that Layla ended up in London with a possibly Moroccan couple. Early on, it became apparent to Layla's adopted Earth parents that Layla was different: she had a slammin' booty! I mean, knockin'. This thing is like the sun: you stare at it too long, you go blind. It can give a dog a bone. This thing is magnificent. Works of art have made with her booty as inspiration. Oh, and, she could fly, shoot lazers from her eyes, and had super strength, speed, invulnerability, and freezing breath. But that crap ain't important! It's all about that booty! BOOTY!!!! BOOTY!!!! Dancing Career Layla has dance on some cruise ships. And, she was a Miami Heat cheerleader. Oh yeah, she moved to Miami when she grew up. But, who cares!? Booty, people! BOOTY!!!! Look at that butt! It's bootilicious, whatever the fuck that means. I think it means it taste like ice cream. Or grape juice. Or grape drink for our African-American friends. WWE After dancing, Layla signed with WWE as part of the Diva Search in 2006. She won, mainly because of that booty. BOOTY!!!! Anyway, after that, she did some shit on SmackDown! with The Miz, went to ECW, danced with Kelly Kelly and Brooke (which made her look like the goddess of dance and them look like a wet dog getting electrocuted and stung by bees), went to RAW, did some shit with William Regal and Jamie Noble, may have had sex either one of them...or both...at the same time possibly, went to SmackDown!, and teamed up with the Undertaker's skinny girlfriend. Women's Champion On May 14, 2009, one of the greatest things that ever happened to SmackDown!...um...happened. On that night, Beth Phoenix was forced the lovely widow of Eddie Guerrero, Vickie (FUCK YOU, MICHAEL COLE!!!! BULLFROG SPLASH, MY ASS!!!!), to defend her Women's Championship in a handicap match against Layla and Miss Loving Life By Having Sex With A Dead Man. During the match, the Phoenix was taken out by her injured knee by the McRib sandwich. Then, McAnorexia fainted because she hadn't had any food in the past two weeks other than lettuce and Vicodin. This allowed Layla to pounce. However, Beth fought her off, and an epic battle ensued. A battle that waged on for 12 hours as the alluring alien and the sultry sex goddess fought womano e womano to see who was the DEADLIEST WARRIOR: Kryptonian or Amazon. As the Spike TV scientist creamed their shorts watching Kryptonian and Amazonian weapons destroy mannequins filled with Jell-O, Layla prevailed, winning the WWE Women's Championship. Layla then shared the title with her LayCool compatriot, Michelle McCool. They had two titles, and then a split title that could be put together like one of those BFF necklaces because Teddy Long had to be a little bitch made them give up one of their titles. *pfft* Lame. Sadly, her reign as champion came to an end when the title was unified with the Diva's Title in a match that had Michelle McCool take on Melina. Yes, she lost the title in a match she wasn't in. However, she is the last recognized Women's Champion, and Michelle shared the Unified Diva's Title with Layla. They later lost the title to Natalya. Also BOOTY!!!! Lesbian Controversy In 2007, the Metropolis Journal of Medicine, Science, and Lesbianism reported a study that claimed that Layla's ass was turning straight women gay. It stated: "A whopping 85% of straight women who saw a photo of Layla El's butt showed signs sexual arousal. The remaining 15% said that it looked nice and that if they were drunk enough that they would have sex with Ms. El." Some debate followed thanks to a medical case presented by esteemed doctor Gregory House of the Princeton‑Plainsboro Teaching Hospital. Natalya In 2010, Layla face Natalya in a series of matches that featured lots of lesbian overtones. It was implied that the two women were lovers. Rumor has it that Nattie had been in a relationship with Beth Phoenix, but Beth ended it. Then, Nattie went into a small depression and took a small sabatical. And, during that time, she was visited by Layla. Then, Nattie came back, the LayCool feud began, and so did the lesbian overtones. It has not been revealed if this is true, and the girls have dismissed the rumors as just that. However, they did partake in parodying the rumors on the TV show Hulk's House . Layla appeared as one of Hulk's girlfriends, whom Hulk loses when she falls for Natalya. Hair As you may have noticed while reading this article, though obviously difficult thanks to that booty (Booty yay), Layla's hair has been switching between straight and curly in the photos. There is a reason for that, but I must warn you: if you want to know, you must be prepare to learn the knowledge behind this. The reason is quite a burden to know. People who have learned this have gone crazy after just hearing one syllable. It is a secret that has brought fame and fortune to those who've learned it, but it has also brought burden and depression because to know the reason is to know the secrets of the universe, to learn everything there is to learn, to figure out how everything works, to learn why there is a reason for the seemingly random chaos that controls the universe, to know why the order of things runs so smoothly, and to gain a peak at the MIND OF GOD AND KNOW EVERYTHING HE KNOWS!!!! IT IS ALL THE KNOWLEDGE, INPUT, AND INFORMATION THAT HAS EXISTED THROUGHOUT HUMAN HISTORY, BEFORE, AND BEYOND!!!! TO LEARN THE REASON IS TO KNOW THE ANSWER OF THE QUESTION THAT MAN HAS WANTED TO KNOW THE ANSWER TO SINCE THE VERY BEGINNING: WHY ARE WE HEAR!!!! IT IS THE KNOWLEDGE THAT MAN WANTED TO KNOW, FOUGHT AND KILLED TO LEARN, HAS BECOME RICH AND POWERFUL IN THE PURSUIT OF IT, AND HAS DESTROYED THEMSELVES FOR THE VERY SAME REASON!!!! So, be warned. Because to know this reason is to know the very mind of the deity that created this universe and the deity that will ultimately destroy it: She originally has curly and then straighten it out. I hope you were able to read that with your sanity intact at the end.